I am finally getting to write this review- if only I can remember everything that I read!
I picked this book because a friend of mine who reads every book imaginable said that this was her favorite book. It did not disappoint. I really liked it.
Having lived in Taiwan I heard stories of how they used to do foot binding and how painful it was. They long since have gone away from that tradition, but it was fascinating to read about the history of foot binding, the dimensions that were the most attractive, and how it could effect how well you married into. Plus, that the size of your feet could turn your husband on. They went through so much pain just for marriage. And, it was the parents that put them through the pain. Hearing of the women making shoes for years, meeting with a matchmaker well in advance to plan the perfect time for the feet, and following a plan for how to get the perfect shape was interesting. The history behind this book was what I liked the most, but the storyline was also engaging.
All growing up Lily really desired to be loved and when her parents found out she was going to have a laotong and a chance for a wealthy marriage they were willing to do anything for that. Lily was probably happy that this would help her parents love her more, but really they just wanted the money and she began to realize that. When her sister died from the foot binding I think Lily was forced to realize just how much importance was put on appearance that health didn't matter. Then when she got all of that wealth she treated Snow Flower the same way that her parents had treated her. Snow Flower did a good job of being proper and a true friend to Lily. However, Lily felt that she was betrayed by Snow Flower and that probably brought back old feelings from the way her parents treated her and I think she treated Snow Flower so poorly as a way to lash out for her parents not loving her.
On the other hand, Snow Flower was loved. You can tell just how much her aunt cared for her to risk her job and reputation for the happiness of her niece. Snow Flower felt love growing up, but had a horrible dad. She did not complain, she realized there was nothing she could do to change her fate and she found happiness in the little things. She listened to Lily's advice because she loved Lily so much. However, I think she realized that Lily changed after she got married. Lily was so traditional, which went against who Snow Flower was on the inside. Snow Flower tried to follow all of Lily's advice, but that just was not her.
The thing is, we often do things to please other people. To gain their trust, their friendship, their love. And then when we have all of those things one moment of jealousy, rage, just our emotions taking over can damage everything. And, our pride can make us incapable of apologizing or admitting we were wrong, or even realizing that we were wrong. When we realize the magnitude of our actions it may be too late. Lily realized she was wrong and then she spent the next 40 years trying to make up for that one mistake. It really makes me wonder if she ever felt like she was forgiven and it makes me think of how I need to be more conscious of what I do and say.
The one aspect of this book I loved the most was the secret Chinese women writing, and how important it was to Lily and Snow Flower. My book club had done a lot of research, and someone even brought a fan that someone had written on for their laotongs. The fact that a written language could so easily be misinterpreted is such a vital part of the story, and the reason Lily pushed Snow Flower out of her life, is so sad. To me it was a story of Lily's pride that she would forsake such a good friend, one who had truly fallen while Lily had been able to rise so far, yet she wasn't truly happy and lived with guilt like Stephanie said. I was moved and felt horrible for her choices.
ReplyDeleteI cried for Snow Flower and her sad family, her painful life circumstances that caused her to lose her parents, her laotong who was for her the only remaining family left after her parents were destitute, and even her children's respect even though she didn't deserve it. The book was well written and a wonderful look into a society I know so little about but am fascinated by.
This book was written in the time period after The Good Earth by Pearl S. Buck which is also about China and the culture that is so very different from our own. I went through a phase of reading a lot of Chinese books, and The Good Earth was high on the list of favorites, it also portrays how people are misunderstood, how the class system can corrupt us with vanity once we achieve wealth, and how the kindest and best people may be the ones treated the worst. After that I read Wild Swans a biography by Jung Chang which talks about 3 generations of Chinese Women, herself, her mother, and her grandmother. I read it after The Good Earth and it talked about China during Communism, not something you get to read often. It is banned in China, but she lives in London now so she was able to write it.
Great choice Steph! What is next?
I absolutely LOVED this book. I thought it was incredibly well written, engaging, easy to follow, etc. Covering 80 years of Chinese history is no small task, and yet she accomplished this with ease. While focusing on the girls and how their lives intertwined, she was able to teach us about footbinding, arranged marriages, the Taiping Rebellion, and much much more. It was hard for me to put this book down- even being sleep deprived.
ReplyDeleteIt seems the relationship between Snow Flower and Lily was stronger then the relationships with thier husbands. This is not so incredibly strange, I imagine this has been the case for many women throughout history. However, because their bond was so strong, it left great room for betrayal. Not only did Lily hurt Snow Flower, she completely humiliated and exposed Snow Flower and all of her faults in front of their friends and family- making her the laughing stock of the area. It is interesting that by doing this, however, her status in the community rose. That is very sad to me- that when you put another person down, you lift yourself up. Of course, unlike so many in our current society, Lily truly did feel genuine heartache about this over time. It reminds me of what was said at institute yesterday, "we should never stay awake at night worrying about what others have said about us. Instead, we should stay awake worrying about what we said about others." Unfortunately, sometimes it is easier to say mean things about others to make ourselves feel better- and that is wrong, as this book shows.
I did read The Good Earth- I was not a fan of it, I liked this one much better. I may try Wild Swans.
OK - I finally finished this book. Before I read what anyone else wrote, I am going to write my impressions. Then I will go back and see what you guys thought and comment on those. So here goes: I thought it was super interesting. The chapters on the foot binding process made my whole body ache. I mean really, I am SOOOOOO glad I didn't grow up during that era. 7 centimeters, really??? I also found the criteria for being a "same" fascinating. Having to have all of the stars align to be able to contract a friendship seems so foreign. I felt very sad for Snow Flower and the situation she fell into. Lily was so blessed in many ways, but she also seemed numb to the world around her. I have ended friendships during my lifetime both intentionally and unintentionally. I wonder how those friends felt. Did they feel it was a natural parting, or did they feel like I abandoned them? Did they need me, do I need them? I am very happy for the strong friendships I do have and the love I feel for all of you as both family and friends. And I am incredibly thankful that I am valued as a woman, mother, sister and daughter.
ReplyDeleteSteph - good thoughts on forgiveness. 40 years does seem like a really long time to be repenting and making restitution. I guess that when you do something truly awful, you may never feel better, even after everything you can do. I sure hope the Lord will bless us all with comfort when we sincerely repent and try to make amends in our own lives.
ReplyDeleteLiss - I like what you wrote about nu shu and it made me think about how much our own culture's writing is easily misinterpreted. Think about how many times you have read and e-mail or blog and made an assumption about what the person was saying. Tone does not come across in written formats, so being sarcastic, for instance, can be very difficult for your readers to understand. I can think of several examples of that blowing up in our family. I'll let you think of those on your own and we won't bring them back up.
Christina - We don't have institute here, but in Virginia it was only for Singles. Nice that you can attend too.
Lastly - I went through a phase when I really enjoyed watching Chinese films. One movie I really liked was Raise the Red Lantern. It has been years since I saw it, so I can't speak for the content with complete accuracy, but it was moving to me at the time. I also liked the Joy Luck Club. It is rated R. I saw it at BYU when they used to show edited movies. It was awesome. I have read almost everything Amy Tan has written. Whose turn is it to pick a movie? Mom??
I meant to say - whose turn is it to pick a book, Mom?
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